To be honest , I don't really know what I'm doing with my life .

I'm scared . Like really scared . 
Everyday I question myself , is this really what I'm going to do in the future ? 
Am I really cut out for this ? Do I have the strength to cope with all these ?

And idk about other people in other majors , you might have similar worries but I realised social workers tend to question their lives alot . 
It's not that I suddenly lost interest in this field or what , it's like ...
Am I even able to help others ? 
What if I say something wrong ?
What if I have no answers ?
Do I have the skills ?
What if the stress from everyone's problem is too huge ?
What if my clients all hate me ?
What if , I just can't ?
And so on ...
There's so many questions we have to battle everyday , about our paths and stuffs . And because our choices doesn't just affect ourselves , it makes the stress double .

It's hella stressful , I don't think I had gone one day without thinking about all these and it's killing me . And what if I can't pass my finals , that would mean no attachment , and a delay in graduating . It isn't as simple as retaking a module for us . 

So many people had tried to warn me before . Syaza was saying how her neighbour was like , "Really ? Social work ? It's really demanding , you know ? Are you sure ?"
Foongyee jie warned me by sharing with me her friend's social work experience , how her friend had lost all hope when she realised she can't help anyone for real due to all the stupid theories and policies tying her back and limiting what she can do . 
A senior from beigan was telling me how social workers have to be people with more strength than anyone else , because of everything you have to face , you see people from ALL walks of life . 

Sigh , which is why I keep asking myself if I should have gone into nursing , not to discredit them or to invalidate their stress ofc . Just that , it's more actual help and care then the theories , talks and stuffs . Like who am I kidding , I can't talk . 

I really think I should just graduate and go work as socialwork admin because that way , not only do I get to help , but I don't have to talk and handle actual cases and stuffs ? Or maybe I should just hate my life and go be a fulltime GSA at some hotel LOL .

Anyway , I'm so worried about all these because attachment is coming up on 11th and I'm reallyreally scared . I hope my partner Keyun will click really well with me , that my cases will all be easy as heck and my supervisor would be someone like Erny who is nice and patient and kind as heck . I mean , the fact that you are a socialworker means that you have to be kind right ? T.T
And yeah , I am not the type to take up challenges , so easy cases would be preferred , I don't wanna challenge myself . Or grow . Or improve . Let me just be the lame ass I am please . 

Do I even have what it takes ?