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Lee Xin Hui; 95-liner.
I wish I have more
to tell you.
I really do.
Saturday, May 16, 2015, 9:05 PM
Inner demons .

Waiting for my sister to watch Harry Potter together and I started thinking about something .
I believe most of us are guilty of having this friend as our makeshift counselor . Or maybe you're lucky and you don't have one because you actually have a best friend . Well , I don't currently have one after drifting from bilian ): gosh , I miss that ass so much ugh . 
Anyway , I was feeling stressed as hell as usual and was desperately wishing that  I could have a talk about it with Foongyee jie or something . And I started feeling guilty because I realized that was super low and asshole of me . I mean , I do miss her frequently and always think about her randomly because we were really very close in like 2013(?) , but the fact that I thought about actually contacting her only when I have stresses or problem is such a jerk move . And the worst thing is , I was just feeling mad yesterday about people treating me like their counselor , like so many people like to talk to me to talk about themselves ? Okay side note , in defense of myself , I actually don't mind people sharing their woes with me because it makes me feel really honored that you trust me to tell me things , and the fact that you think that just talking about it would make you feel better makes me glad . The thing I actually hate is when people don't just come to me and fess up that they have troubles they want to share . Instead , they pretend to be concern about me before ignoring my responses and going on to talk about themselves ? Like , okay , I will still listen to you even if we haven't talk in years and the first thing you approach me for is for help . I honestly can take it , please don't kill me by pretending you care because it pushes me deeper into hell . Thankyou . 
Okay , so after that rant , my actual point was , I decided to stop getting mad when people treat me as their counselor because everyone really needs one . Lmao , after today tho . But seriously , I think it's sad when you feel like you're dying from your own demons and you feel like you have no one you could talk to about it , someone who is actually genuine interested and concerned , or at least that's how I'd been feeling these days . I shall learn to be that person for others in the future . But I seriously need improvement on my responses , maybe I should google up some encouragements . I almost always have nothing more to say apart from jiayou because I seriously have no idea what to do lmao . I mean , I can't even deal with my own problems man . But I will try from now on okay .

 Sooooo , anyway . it reminded me of this quote I saw on tumblr and I think it's something I really need to remind myself more frequently. I'm not gonna get better if I never let go of my own demons . I know , easier said than done , but recognizing that I need to help myself is the first step no ?

 "Other people are not medicine.”
— Amy Poehler (via slutsandsinners)
827,106 not

 (boy , I'm suddenly so glad and proud about my neat and awesome tagging system after finding this under one minute despite having reblogged this 11 months ago)

 Maybe one day , I will go deep and hella dark on this blog and scare everyone away with my demons . Then maybe you could see how ugly and messed up my mind and soul is . But then again , it would probably make me feel too naked so maybe not . Lmao , I actually typed out a sentence which started like , "To give you a clue ..." but then laughed and deleted it because it was too depressing . I always laugh so much and become so lame when I'm with people so I don't wanna spoil that image people have of me , maybe next time . I hope one day , I would still be able to laugh about it and share though because it would mean that my problems no longer haunt me . 

 Wow , this post is such an unusual direction on this blog . 
I hope everyone is okay .