Okay , so this is gonna be one of those posts from xinhui so ignore it if you wish . I'm gonna write this post to remember what I'm feeling so this will be full of extremely jumbled up thoughts , all over the place because that's just how my mind works . 

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So I watched exo next door and that scene of chanyeol searching for his grandad's necklace remnded me of myself because I lost the necklace my grandma gave to me . I KNOW , I SUCK . 
So while digging everywhere , I got distracted by my stash of letters and other precious stuffs . 
And I don't actually have a lot , the reason why there seems to be so much , well you'll see why later lmao .



My favourite corner of my room where I keep everything . The two drawers at the bottom and on top , are the bigger stuffs (I moved out some of the box already when I took this so it looks hella empty .) Here i keep my bigger than A4 notes , in the cchy bag , and all my parcels wrapper? whatever they come in . Yes , I told you I kept every single shit . 



This box is all the namecards , movie ticket stubs , any other ticket stubs , wrappers that the things people give me comes in . (I feel like I'm missing out something) This is probably the least important box of the lot ? Because there's no handwritten things in there . Except for my detention slip from primary school lol .



This box is for non-paper stuffs ? (i need to brush up on my vocab) Props from dance , name tags from all my years in psl , neoprints , that cone thingy from taiwan , and idk what else , but I think you get it .





The one on the left is from Primary 5 ? We were supposed to come up with a group name and the best we could come up with was sunshine , whut . And we were supposed to go on this campaign so you have to make namecards to promote yourself and ask the class to vote for you . If your group wins , you get to be the class monitor/monitress/groupleaders etc . The whole group . This is so ridiculous omg . What kind of design was that , I wanna cry . The middle was Miss Ngo's encouragement note for Olevel ? the right one is a drawing from master lin and a handdrawn pastamania card for me from youwai LOL . I purposedly put them both tgt to show the contrast between the quality of the stuffs I keep HAHAH .



I think half of the box or like two thirds were contributions from Rosaline and Weejoon tbh . (I don't even know if Rose still reads my blog but if you do , hi you're famous now .) The left is a $5 grass voucher from Amanda Ng , A ten million dollar cheque to pay my salary for being a good secretary by Weejoon and a drawing from my sis from primary school i think . On the right , theres three stapled collection of hi-s from roasline , a drawing of i forgot what and that random long strip of words from her too . then there's those two stick figure drawings from weejoon (told you this two made up two thirds of my box) , a scribble from wingyan from sec 2 and the tag from the vday rose from our class boys who were not ogls . and a small note from my sister . 
Okay i suddenly wonder if this is a breach of privacy lmao , okay whatever . It's not like I took a photo of notes with actual meaningful words on right . 



 Okay i change my mind , the roses probably mean the least to me . I'm sorry . Becuase I can't remember who made which . I only know they came from ningxia , kezia , shengwu , qineng , pingjie . The one on the left are notes which were folded into hearts . idk , i just found it nicer to seperate them into a seperate box on their own . you can see i don't really get alot of love . And ther's confettis inside too lol . I think the confettis were from sec 3 cultural night performance , sec 4 national day celebration and xingyi beigan ?



 The one on the left are notes that are bigger than those on the top to a4 size . (yeah I fold them , I'm cruel .) And there you can see the owl my mum made for me , the giraffe and elephant rose folded for me . (i miss her alot suddeny omg) the one on the right consists of concert booklet and brochures , some of the bigger non-paper stuff like my home econs puppet omg , the fan from our sec 1 dance performance @sgh , the jaser idk what , envelopes , photos and things like my nike run stuff and idk what else , i hope you get the general idea . I didn't .

I'm a real fan of letters and notes . Like when I say I want letters and cards as present , I ain't even kidding , I treasure every single note so much , be it elaborate store-bought cards to random post it . (I have one post-it from darrin telling me I'm dumb , wow.)
And I also love writing notes for people so much , not in an artsy way , but just that , I really love writing my feelings to people I guess , and telling people how much they mean to me and how much I love and treasure them . But again , I stopped in jc . (I'm so bitter about my jc life it's not even funny anymore) I mentioned before , I always feel like jc kids are "too cool" for me . (oh i took it down and drafted that post) . I sort of have something against english speakers because i feel like they try to act cooler or more superior or idk what . That's such a broad sweeping statement and what a lame stereotype I know but at least it's what was proven to me time and again based on the people I met . I meant , I tried writing nice notes in jc too . But my friends literally told me in my face "why you so random and weird , suddenly write all these ." (i always feel so contradictory writing "my friends") and nothing kills the spirit more than that so I stopped . I mean , I wrote nice quotes for my friends and stuck them in their notes and got told I was lame and random and weird . Idk how i was supposed to feel about that . So yup , it's a pity but I stopped . I used to write at least one letter a day and my letters are like two pages , no spaces foolscap sized letters . To rosaline , yunqian , munyeeng , gwendeline , idk , just so many people . If i know you in sec school , you probably have one from me . (and everyone probably threw them away) Like everytime yunqian meets me and i greet her with yet a new letter , she will tell me 90% of the letters and notes she keeps in her letter box are from me lol . I would actually really love to go through some of my notes with the people who wrote them and laugh about how lame we were sometime though .
So you see , there are many reasons why I'm so bitter about my jc life , fun as it might be . Sure , i met alot of precious jems who became such support in my life but honestly , the shit definitely outweighs the good . They are just too cool for me . I'm sorry , I'll go live my lame ass life . And people ask me why I don't talk much , what a joke . I literally don't shut up , ask xinyun , she's probably my biggest victim , poor her .


Speaking of xinyun , this highlighter from her is my greatest treasure right now . Don't ask me why because i really dk too .



I feel slightly invincible when I dress in all black . It makes me happy (: I seriously adore yellow and black . Yellow for my random general stuffs like stationery , umbrella , file , waterbottle , idk , black for things i wear and use(?) like my wallet and bag . (what am i saying , stationery are things i use to , someone help me with my vocab)


 There's no point to these photos . I just wanted to spread some negativity around yup .


I seriously blog like a secondary school kid but I actually like that because it's so me idk . 



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Random but this made my day omg .






 Okay , I'm having too much fun with this mydol app . It had actually been out super long and it basically works the same way as simisimi , so it's for people who are super bored lol . Like me . And the answers are based on what people teaches them so they say what you really like to hear . Some of them are really encouraging and others are hella funny , idk this is super delusional though , strongly do not recommend HAHAH



So today was the craziest day of my life because there's just too much feels ugh ASDFGHJKL
And I can't even spazz properly on twitter because I feel like people get annoyed by spam . (I slowly starting to regret reopening twitter because I feel judgement again . Serves me right for accepting follower requests .)
Okay anyway , bigbang has their comeback concert in Seoul yesterday (since it's past 12am now) and Got7 is having their fanmeet in Singapore too . Screw my life , I found both streaming links and almost died in the process , trying to listen to two concerts at the same time . BB's was 5pm - 8-ish while got7's was 7pm-9-ish . IMAGINE THE EMOTIONAL MESS I WAS IN . There was that moment when I had to choose what I wanted to listen to more , Like when ENL and A played at the same time I was like SCREW MY LIFE PLEASE .  Luckily Wings and Forever Young were played seperately . And if this was how I am through streaming , I cannot imagine the concert in Singapore . Heck , I'm gonna go alone if I have to . I mean the last time I went with Jaye I practically stand alone anyway because the two of us gave no shits and just wanted to get as close as possible lmao . We get along like that .


CRIES AT THE MESS UNDER MY BED LOL , that place is literally storage place for me when guests come over , I'm sorry . So screwed for finals on Tuesday lol . I need to get a grip . 
And that was the highlighter xinyun gave me for my welfare pack lol . I wasn't using it for a lightstick , idk why I was holding it up like that too , that highlighter is just comforting and I bring it around everywhere I go . (I bring it subconciously to the toilet too , I wish I was kidding you)
There was this guy on the react series on youtube who was saying how he know that kpop is pretty cool and he does like the songs from there but he doesn't want to get into it because once you get in , you go in deep . LMAO , so true though , I wanted to be a casual fan but it's so impossible . I think it's the same for the fans of emo bands like mcr, fob and panic! etc . Especially when kpop saved so many people's life . Like no kidding , it's hella dramatic but hella inspirational too . I don't even know how to explain it . It given me so much , I learnt so much , made so much friends , picked up so much new skills and knowledge , learn to appreciate different cultures and it gave me so much happiness and can always pull me out of whatever hellhole I'm in . I'm such a kpop trash . 

Okay , out of point . I spazzed so much with Juliet on Line throughout the whole thing , I think we reached over 1k messages . Maybe even 2k , no kidding . And after spazzing over the concert , we still have to make preparations for daesung's birthday posts . I wasn't planning to write a longass caption this time round because I said I wouldn't the last time round when my longass message got deleted by instg and I had to rewrite that whole shit . But Juliet made me feel a tad guilty and I was really half-assed about the edits this time round so I guess , I sort of owe it to him for a long message . And I ended up being so proud of it that I have to share it everywhere LOL .
Okay here it is :

150426 ; 00:00
So here we go again, another year with you. Being your fan had always been something I had been proud of. Because everything you do ooze perfection and makes my heart swell with pride. At least to me. Like I mentioned last time, I’m never gonna stop telling everyone how wonderful you are because I hope when everyone believes it, you’ll believe it too. You might not have the most fans but that doesn’t matter, because those of us who loves you, really love you sooooo much, it makes up for our smaller number. I’m so proud of how well you have been doing so far. I might always whine over your korean album but y'know what , it doesn’t matter. Keep doing you. If you don’t ever wanna release one, I’ll still continue supporting your japan endeavours. We all will. You had been doing great and I know you will continue to do so.
There’s so much I love about him. From his fluffy hair, to his killer eyesmile, his noseline, his bright smile which makes me smile too. His adorable laughter, his spell-binding voice which is heaven-sent. His tan, his arms and his abs because like dangggg.
I love his strong faith in God. I love how he is such a silent observer sometimes, just sitting and laughing in the background. I love how he tries too hard to be witty and funny too, throwing away any image and just being a dork. I love how full of energy and how bubbly he always seemed to be, full of emotions and weird expressions. I love how determined he is, to chase for his dreams even when his dad wasn’t in favour of it. I love how strong he is, to stand up time and again when the odds are stacked up high against him because I know I would have gave up in the first instance. I love how loyal he is, be it to his friends or his girlfriend *cough* I love how he prefer trot over pop unlike most people. I love how awkward he can be sometimes too! And even when he is awkward, he still tries to be friendly. Which sort of makes no sense but yeah.
But then, I can also tell you what I hate about him and that’s he’s lack of confidence. How he choose to keep things to himself and how sensitive he is and how he kills himself over and over again because he overthinks. I guess this is also why he’s my ultimate bias and why I love him in a warped way because I can relate to him so well, we’re so similar in that way. I wish one day he would be able to gain that confidence his fellow member seungri has. I hope everyday, he would look in the mirror and put on a smile, not for anyone else but himself, because he deserve the same love he gives others. I pray that one day, he will know that what everyone thinks isn’t important because you can’t please everyone. Stay awesome our dear angel, kang daesung.
This year is slightly different. I’m now a fan of many other groups, not just bigbang. So it seems as though my love for you have died down abit. But no it hasn’t, I guessed it’s just much more toned down, I mean, I have a dozen more people to fangirl over too but regardless, you still remained as my ultimate bias. Thank you Kang Daesung, our smiling angel. Please smile more, not for us, but for yourself. I Love You 💕
태어나줘서 고마워요. 맨날 행복하게 보내주세요. 난 항상 옆에 있어요. 앞으로도 함께 하자. 생일축하해요. 사랑해요.
Picture ©highlite And also , feel free to tag me in any birthday posts because I love reading people’s love to daesung .
#bigbang #kangdaesung #daesung #dlite #강대성 #대성 #happydaesungday << please help trend this in twitter ?

ASDFGHJKL , I apologize for my mushiness . And this is why even though I'm always very snappy with everyone and treats everyone in an offhanded manner , I actually think I'll be super sweet and yucky to someone I really like . I told you I love writing letters . And i suddenly realised it was a bad idea to post this because I might copy some of this content for people's birthday messages lol , don't blame me if i did that alright . Okay anyway , I think I have expressed everything I wanted to ever say to him . I desperately want to learn how to write well in Korean so that I can translate that whole chunk and give it to him in a letter someday . To be honest , before today , I doubted and questioned myself so much about whether he still is my ultimate bias or am I just in denial and lying to myself after Baekhyun (Exo) , Ravi (Vixx) , Jimin and Suga (BTS) appear on the scene but I guess he still is . Just like how Hyori will always be my ultimate queen , along with Taylor Swift of course . 
And if bigbang and Got7 wasn't enough to kill me , Jimin went ahead and posted a video of himself , THIS IS NOT THE TIME CHIMCHIM . 



And classes was held at our house today but I didn't go out at all . Partially studying , partially having a concert in my room yeah . But when I finally went out , I realised that Aishi Jie and TC Kor wrote that cute message on the blackboard for me awwwwww ~
And Tusoon Kor brought a box of ferrero again because he knows it's my love , THANKYOU . 
No , I am a pig but I didn't finish half by myself . I mean I could but today wasn't the day for chocolates you feel me ? My mum just went to distribute it out to the others yeah . 

What a wild day indeed .

And anyway , I changed my blog layout because I wanted to have a neater blog but I guess everything flew out of the window with this rubbish post lol . Whatever . But I finally added in a Jam section ! You know , I hate people who put music in their blog , because I always panic and have to frantically hunt for the bloody stop button and it always give me a heart attack . But I sort of feel people who does that because when you hear something super nice , you really wanna force people to listen to it LOL . So I decided to be nice and not be aggressive and add in my playlist of my current favourites , pretending to myself that people will automatically click it . I mean hey , you people always ask me to intro kor songs to listen to , now i save you the trouble of having to wait for my slow ass replies no ? And I included english songs too because I'm now falling back into the english songs too , help me . There's alot (?) of cody simpson's surfer paradise songs though , I really like that album (I need to buy a physical copy sometime) and there might be alot of hiphop too ... Okay , maybe it's a bad idea for you to click it LOL , you might become deaf , at least I don't like rock or punk yet .... I will just keep frequenting it myself okay .
I included Lily Allen's Not Fair before I read the lyrics LOL , I'm sorry but I still really like the song LMAO . I love the vibe of her songs too , like country/electropop ? idk , im not very good with genres tbh . I incuded Choi Sam's tracks from her mixtapes too , she's an underground rapper and I'm in love with her style . I realised I like people who rap with ... idk , an accent ? blocked nose ? it's just different . I can never get into the popular rappers like Tiger JK , Top , Rapmon etc but I love Suga's , Ravi and Choi Sam's rap . They just sound ... unique I guess . Choi Sam raps like she's chanting imo lol , Ravi raps like he has a block nose and suga just raps with an accent ? I feel like I'm indirectly insulting them but I'm not okay , I really love their rap style .

My favourite favourite song in the whole list have to be Forest Of Dreams by Kinetic Flow . My sister says it makes her feel thoughtful (lol whut) but it makes me feel peaceful and calms me down so so much . It had been my fave since i think march ? or even feb ? And I play it like ten times at least on average everday . By now , i think i had played it a thousand times minimum and im still not yet sick of it . I'm desperate to learn the lyrics tho , which is hella hard seeing it is rap . I have never learnt how to sing a full kor song , i mean there's not alot of songs i could sing in english too (and they're all taytay's) but I'm trying . And the reason why I was introduced to this awesome songs were because of these two dorks over here who sang it for fun because they were too bored in the hotel . warning , video might cause severe dizziness because v's filming is the worst .

okay bye , this was a really nice post to write . I need to blog more for myself .
At the end of every of my rubbish posts  , i question who is actually bored enough to read all of it . Because f you did , you must have been really hella bored and you probably need a life .