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WEIRD XH FACT #006 I become high when I'm with low people , and become low when I'm with high people .

So yes , monday was Alevel results release day . Because I worked late on Sunday , didn't had trouble falling asleep the day before because I was dead tired . Even at work , I wasn't nervous at all , because I no longer had any expectations , hopes or fear , I was just in a really resigned mood and ready to accept whatever shit results Cambridge might throw at me .

That was in the morning . As the time slowly approaches , my palm started feeling clammy and cold , and I couldn't concentrate on anything any longer . Left the office at 1pm , really touched by how all the aunties , even those who hadn't spoken to me before , wished me goodluck and came to shake my hand , asking me not to be nervous and reassured me that I'll do fine ! It was a super long train ride to me , with nothing to entertain me except for my fears . So worried of letting everyone down , and wasting the efforts of everyone who  had done so much to help me , like Jordan and Kennard .

So conflicted during the honour roll segment , so glad and happy for my friends yet I couldn't stand sitting there for another moment , I just want to get out and know what I get already . But congratulations again to my smart friends , Jiaee , Sarah , Shiyong , Jiahui etc ! Then there was that embarrassing moment when both Justin and Yukei's name got mentioned because I felt like a failed example as an OGL LOL , but it's okay because my OG knew I was a forced drop 4H2 student anyway ! Congrats to them too for their awesome results! :B Finally heading down to receive results from our CT , but I still didn't felt prepared enough to look at it . So I ended up being the last person in class to get my results . I sat down and stared at my teacher . He took a look at my result slip , gave a wry smile , and just placed it face down and slid it across the table to me . Then he told me about my testimonial and other documents but at that point I was only half listening because his face already confirmed what I knew from the start . But before leaving , I still turned to him to tell him "Even though I didn't do well , but still , thankyou ." And this time he gave me a proper smile . He is the teacher I had the worse relation with but still he really did help me a lot , staying with me till 8pm , and meeting me for consultation every single week .

So me and JunAn refused to look at our results , we just left the atrium and sat down at the canteen for a longlongggggg time . I was like "eh you want see already?" then he was like "don't want la I scared" or he will say "you look la" then I'll be "cannot la , I think I gonna cry already"
And that went on for like ten minutes until I finally gave up and look at my GP results first . Not because it was the one I feared the most but because it was my only hope . Yet when I saw it , I immediately lost all hope . Because if I didn't do well for GP , byebye to all the rest . So I just gave up and look at my results . It was so unexpected . And no , like I said , I won't post my results , have the guts to ask me personally if you want to know , I won't mind . BUT I NEED TO ANNOUNCE THAT I GOT A B FOR MATHS . Do you know that I had nevereverever passed my Maths before in my entire JC life in examinations , I was still in the bottom 100 up to the last prelims and I GOT A B I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS MIRACLE .


I can't express how grateful I am for all the chances god had given me time and again , especially at this point of time when this good news is so needed , thankyou once again for blessing me , I won't forget my part of the promise too (':
And looking at this post, it feels like I did extremely well , all As and Bs but no , I didn't do well at all compared to others , my uni choices are pretty limited too but I really believe I'm much more pleased with my results than many others because it was so much better than what I expected . And I was expecting to retake so it was a pretty low expectation anyway x'D Still , I'm really so grateful for the fact that I can get to a local uni , even though I might not get a good course . I can't stress how lucky I am , I mean look at my prelim results , I only passed one subject even up to that point of time and here I am , able to enter uni . I still remember that time during the internship interview when Ms Lim asked me how was my prelims and I had to awkwardly reply "GP - B ... and Econs S , PCM U..." Plus , idk how many of my friends knew this but I was so ashamed I didn't tell anyone anyway so if anyone knows, it's because they kaypoh . After block test , me and xxx was called to meet the principal , like my result slip had a See Me by Mr Kwek . So he asked us what's wrong , what we can do etc . He was so nice and I was so determined to do well because I really don't want to see him again and let him down but no , I still continued doing badly even after consultations and tuitions .
So I really wasn't just being not confident in myself , my low expectations was me being realistic . I love how I can finally be proud of my JC results because it makes my Alevel results sound amazing when it's actually not HAHAHAHAH

I'm really appreciate how everything turned out so well for me , even if you think my results aren't good at all , whatever , as long as I'm pleased ! Can't get into my dream course for NUS FASS Social Work but maybe I'll try for Psychology ? Not super keen on it but I feel like Sociology suits me even less and I really still hope to be able to enter a social work related field in the future through psychology . So to those who are taking Alevel this year or in the future , don't give up and if someone who was failing all the way to prelims can enter a local uni , you can probably do it too .


Also grateful to everyone who kept believing in me , thankyou <3 And the two teachers who have became sick of my face after meeting me every week , Mr Tan and Mr Wong , thankyou !